Five Years
by Kri - Ative
Summary: focus on birdflash with sprinkles of a little of everything else. High T Rating. Dick was devastated when his best friend died. As a request, Artemis goes to visit him in hopes of getting him to open up. However as she discovers, the past five years between the two was not as it appeared to be.
turning this in like i do my essays, greatly unedited :')

feel free to keep track of my errors, and to message me about the major stuff.

* * *

Gotham City

September 27, 2016

19:37 EST

When Artemis went to get the door, she was expecting the pizza that she had ordered to have _finally_ have arrived. She had called the restaurant to complain about their slow service (she'd ordered not one, but two hours ago), and just wanted her food.

Therefore the blonde was mildly disappointed when she opened the door and it wasn't the delivery guy. Instead she received a very distraught Robin at her doorstep. The teen was dressed in civvies, minus the lead laced shades that he and each predecessor before him had worn. With the physical barrier non-existent, the blonde could immediately see the distress and concern in the younger's eyes. The look didn't suit him well.

"Hey, Tim. What's up?"

"I'm lost," he admitted, releasing a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. "I need you're help."

"Uh well, this is Northern Gotham. If you want to get back to Wayne Manor I suggest –"

Tim cut her off with an empty laugh. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean I have a problem. Don't worry I know where I am in the city. Believe me, I wouldn't be able to go out on patrol if I didn't."

Not wanting to keep him outside any longer, Artemis opened the door and invited Tim in.

The two heroes made their way to the small living room and sat down on the worn couch. Artemis began preparing herself for the serious conversation that she knew was about to unfold. The severity had been given away the second she looked into his scared eyes.

"It's Dick," he started, not wasting anymore time.

"What about him?"

"Where do I start," Tim sighed as he ran his fingers through his jet-black hair.

It came as no surprise to The Team when Dick announced he was taking a leave of absence. It wasn't unexpected. This decision was understood on varying levels throughout The Team. Most of them had a general idea of the amount of stress that their leader had gone through for six months. He was not only in charge of leading a team and coordinating missions, but he was also expected to keep up regular patrols in Blüdhaven _and_ Gotham. Furthermore, he had to keep up his civilian persona.

It was more than any of them had ever expected their leader to handle. While everyone thought he would be okay once the Reach Invasion had been stopped, it had been his breaking point instead.

As a result of the grave events, everyone respected his need for space. They hadn't seen him for the past few months. Even Artemis, who was closer than most of the Team to him, had yet to hear from him since _that day_ in the Arctic.

"Honestly Artemis, ever since I've known Dick he's been nothing but positive. Even with everything that's happened to him, he's still managed to push through. Even when stuff really seems to slam him hard, he always bounces back. It may take some time, I know it did when Jason," Tim paused, musing over his next choice of words. "passed… but he came back around."

Artemis nodded in understanding. She remembered those months had been difficult for everyone, especially Dick. It had taken a lot to bring him and the team out of the depression it had fallen into when Jason had died. Nothing felt right. Jason was had always caused a joyous chaos and with that energy gone it felt so _wrong_ to be in there without him.

"I went to go visit him yesterday, and you know what I saw?" Tim began again, tears beginning to brim at his eyes. "He completely gave up, Artemis. I just – I'm not so sure he's coming back around this time. He just looked so…defeated. I swear when I saw him I almost called an ambulance because I thought -"

Tim recognized his voice beginning to waver and cut himself off. He looked up to Artemis to find that she was upset at what she was hearing.

"I – we – Barbara and me… we've tried over the past month to call him and he never picks up. He even ignores Bruce. Alfred is the only person he's picked up for, and that was only once. He's actively ignoring us. Like he's trying to cut himself off from us. Bruce has been tracking his equipment since he's stopped communicating with us. It's the only way we know where he is and the tracers haven't left his apartment in three weeks.

"I got concerned that something had happened to him so I went to his apartment. Thankfully though he was there. But when I tried to talk to him yesterday and I just – I couldn't get through to him. He looked so lifeless. I – Artemis…" Tim stopped, and tearily looked the blonde in the face, "Artemis, I'm scared. He's not taking care of himself and he's not thinking straight."

The archer was processing what she was hearing, and had finally come to the conclusion that Tim was alluding to.

"You don't think he would try and… you know?"

Tim shrugged, but looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as he did so.

"Off himself? Maybe… I don't know. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't want to do anything anymore. We've already lost too many people these past few years. I don't want to think that we'd lose one more. Especially not if we can help it."

Tim brought a hand to his face, unconsciously wiping away tears that had started to escape.

"I'm not trying to sound insensitive or anything, but isn't this something that you would want to bring up to Bruce? Why me?" Artemis asked uneasily.

"I did. He suggested that I come to you. He thought maybe you could help."

Artemis cocked her head, both shocked and confused at Tim's words. She paused, waiting for him to explain further.

"I think the person who understands Dick most right now is you. He needs someone right now that he can relate to; someone to talk to. Honestly, I think you're the only other person right now who gets him. The two of you were the closest to Wally. I know that these are still fresh wounds and it's not something that anyone wants to think about, but you could really help him."

Artemis processed Tim's words and carefully considered her next choice of words, not wanting to upset the teen further.

"What can I do though? What if he doesn't want to talk?"

"All I'm asking is for you to try and get him to open up. Please?"

* * *

Blüdhaven

August 7, 2016

23:32 EST

Several hours later and well into the night, Artemis found herself out of her and her mother's rinky dink Gotham apartment and outside of her friend's wealthier penthouse in nearby Blüdhaven. If she was honest with herself, she had no clue what she was going to do once she saw her friend. But promising to talk to Dick was the only way she had managed to calm down the crying bird that had been in her home not long ago.

After knocking and waiting several minutes, Artemis contemplated leaving. Maybe he was on patrol for a change? It was late after all. The perfect time for a Bat to be out in the city.

However Tim had mentioned that Dick had yet to leave his apartment. This in mind, Artemis couldn't help but think she was being ignored. Taking in a deep breath she took a chance at letting herself in, only to find that the doorknob was unlocked.

 _That's not good_ , she acknowledged, walking further into her friend's apartment.

Looking around, she found that the place was barely lived in. The curtains were drawn and a thin layer of dust was collecting on the coffee table. The only sign that something was living in there was the lone dirty dish in the sink. According to the smell from the "freshest" food still on the plate it had been eaten several days ago.

She made her way in until she reached the outside of Dick's bedroom, door closed. Even though the blonde had gone on life-threatening missions before she had never felt more anxiety than deciding whether or not to enter his room.

Any range of scenarios could have unfolded by entering. She could open the door to find him sitting in bed watching movies on his laptop. He could look up and smile warmly at her. He could scoot over and make room for her to join and catch up on The Team amongst other things. They would talk about stupid stuff on the internet, and pretend that everything was okay in the world. It might actually feel okay for just a moment.

Then again, she could also find him bloodied and dead on the floor.

She wasn't sure if she was prepared in any way, shape, or form to handle that outcome.

However if she didn't open the door she wouldn't have to deal with any of these scenarios. She wouldn't have to face the reality of the situation her friend was in. She could go home, pretend that the door had been locked, and not have to deal with any pain. She could tell Tim she tried her best, and that it just didn't work.

But ignoring her problems wasn't very hero-like, was it? If there was anything else that Dick needed more than right now, it was a hero.

Deciding to open her own Schrödinger's Box, she turned the brassy knob that led her to the younger's room.

She felt her heart physically break in two for the second time in this past year.

The younger was curled in a ball on his bed, lost in a sea of unkempt blankets. His black hair was a disheveled mess and was the only indicator that he was in fact nestled into the mattress. He laid there, body facing towards the moonlight that shone through the only drawn back window in his home.

Artemis was almost afraid to make her presence known. He looked so fragile. It was like any small change in his environment would shatter him into a million pieces. He was so still that she was almost beginning to worry that he wasn't even living.

"Dick?"

At the call of his name, he poked his head out from his homemade cocoon. He propped himself up with his arm, allowing a better view of who had interrupted him.

"Hey, Artemis," he called weakly, voice groggy. He used all the energy he had to force a warm smile her way. It was hollow. It was agonizing to see a lack of warm emotion from her once lively friend. It was a smile of a ghost whom her friend once was.

His energy was just wrong. All wrong. It shouldn't feel so dead.

Now that he had sat up, she got a clearer view of what Tim had been talking earlier. She could see that the ebony's face looked sunken. His eyes had a dark ring underneath, and the usual shine in his deep blue eyes (when not hidden by a mask) was gone. Instead an uncomfortable and irritated red took its place. There was also less muscle mass in his arms and torso. He hadn't been exercising at all these past two months. He really had been doing absolutely nothing.

While taking in Dick's new and uncomforting appearance, she hadn't realized that she herself had moved across the room. Or that she had made her way on to the bed, and that she had enveloped him in a tight hug. She didn't realize that her once joyful friend was now in tears, or that she had joined him in his crying. She pulled the younger close to her chest, trying to provide a sense of security and stability.

Neither one could really speak, and neither one dared. They didn't want to disrupt the fragile moment both were experiencing. It was a moment both had needed the past few months to let loose all emotions. No one to try and cheer them up or to tell them things would get better. There was no need to try and feel strong and pretend everything was okay _because it wasn't_. It was a moment of pure and utter grievance that both had restricted themselves to until that one, intimate embrace the two of them shared.

While Tim was right in knowing that Dick needed Artemis, she hadn't realize how much she needed him too.

* * *

Neither one of them knew how long they had been like that for. But judging by the fact that the next time that the archer opened her eyes and she found herself still wrapped in the other's arms, daylight pouring in through the window, she would have guess it was a long while.

She looked away from the sunlight and back at her friend, noting that he seemed to sleep much more peacefully than when she had first seen him earlier. Deciding that he shouldn't be bothered, she slipped her way out of his arms and into the kitchen.

Scavenging whatever she could find, she started on breakfast for the two of them. While she wasn't the best cook, she managed a basic eggs and toast meal. After all, dating a speedster with a crazy metabolism meant you picked up on some cooking tips and recipes. Both Iris and Mary had been very eager to help Artemis when she had first moved in with Wally.

Wally – God it had only been a few months ago. Yet it felt like a lifetime ago since _that day_. Artemis was far from over losing him. If she were honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she ever would be. They had been together throughout the majority of high school and the talks that she and the red head had before she had gone under cover many months ago suggested a lifetime together. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way either. Yet life had other plans.

Before she could get into deeper thought, she was interrupted by the sound of Dick's bedroom door creaking open.

It revealed the young adult and his black hair strewn wildly in every direction. He was wrapped up in a fuzzy robe covered with little cartoon sheep. It hid the skeleton frame that he had acquired in the past weeks well. He moved slowly towards Artemis, struggling as if walking was the hardest thing in the world.

"Hmm, I thought birds were early morning risers," the archer chirped, placing a plate on the counter in front of him.

"Sometimes I think I'm more of a bat," he mumbled, taking the plate.

Artemis smiled, seeing her friend in a much better mood than she had been met with the previous night. She watched as Dick began eating the food in small bites.

It wasn't much, about half actually. But Artemis accepted it as he pushed his plate away, assuming it was still half more than he'd eaten in the past week. The young hero left the counter and headed towards the couch in the common area. He sat down and grabbed a blanket, pulling it around himself. Getting comfortable on the couch, he motioned for Artemis to come sit with him.

"You know, Dick, it's okay to be upset," Artemis started, as she situated herself on the couch.

"I'm fine. Really. I'll move on, I always do."

The blonde cocked an eyebrow up in disbelief. "You're kidding right? You've got everyone worried, Dick. You know we all care about you, yeah?"

He pulled the blanket tighter, despite Artemis thinking that he was already as tightly wrapped up as one could be on a summer day.

"Tim came to me last night. He was in tears because he was terrified about you. Hell when I saw you last night I got scared too," Artemis told him, deepening a grimace that had appeared on the younger's face.

"I already told you I'm okay."

"No, you're not."

"Yeah well neither are you."

Artemis paused, not bothering to correct Dick's words. Instead she kept quiet, waiting for Dick to take lead of the conversation. As she waited, she saw the hero's face morph from a grimace to one of exhaustion, depression, and forlornness.

"I wish you would leave. I – I really don't want to talk to you about this."

"Why? I've been told I'd be the best for this you know."

Dick hesitated. His fears and feelings that had been bottled up over the past few months were crashing back in waves.

"Because I think if I told you everything I felt, that you would hate me. And – and you know there's already enough people right now who hate me. I hate me and -"

"Dick, you know that's not true. You're one of my best friends and I care about you. We _all_ care. I just want to help you feel better, and to do that I need you to talk to me. I need to know what's going on inside your head."

All Dick could do in response was shake his head, giving off a disbelieving laugh.

"You want to know what I think?" Dick asked.

An eerie silence fell over the two of them as the ebony entered deep thought. He sat like that for a moment, scaring Artemis in his trance-like thought.

"I'm so sick of losing everyone. It's just – it's not fair. What did I do to deserve it?" He began, with tears starting to fall from his eyes.

"My parents, Jason, Wally - I just – everyone I love - I'm so sick of getting attached to people, only for them to _leave_. It just hurts more every time. Just when I think I'm doing fine, I lose someone and I – I crawl back into this dark little place and every time it happens it just hurts more. It's unbearable and I want it to _stop_.

"And you know the worst part? When Wally… when he died – he was so _furious_ with me. He was angry with me and frustrated and we barely spoke. I never even said I was sorry or anything. He hated me –"

"Wally did not _hate_ you," the archer interrupted.

Dick got quiet. Instead of beginning to speak again, he choked back sobs and let Artemis continue.

"I know that things got weird between the two of you, but I know he still considered you his best friend. You were trying to be a leader. You had to make big decisions for a team and -"

"Artemis, he literally told me to go fuck myself _several_ times while you were gone. If that doesn't scream hate to you, I don't know what does. Honestly, I don't know why you haven't told me that either. I'm – I'm the reason that he -"

"No, you're not," she abruptly interjected. "Wally knew the risks of putting back on the suit when we went out that day. We've known them since day one. It's no one's fault other than The Reach."

"But I'm the one who convinced him to do it again," the ebony fought back. "I feel like - like it should have been me. If I hadn't bothered you guys into coming out of retirement, then maybe you two would still be happy together," the hero argued.

"Dick… if he didn't do what he had to, none of us would be here. Black Beetle would have killed us all. The Reach Apocalypse would have happened. There wouldn't have been a 'happy ending' or anything. He died a hero. I think that was the best possible way for him to go out. You know? He was never happier than when he was being Kid Flash."

The Bat Family member sighed, tears still streaming down his face.

"Why don't you hate me though? You're the last person I expected to be here with me. Last night when you showed up, I thought you were going to tell me off. Maybe even shoot me with an arrow. I - I don't know."

"Because I know how you feel. I just want you to know you're not alone."

"You have no idea," he uttered nearly inaudibly. Yet the blonde caught it and was immediately ready to defend herself and attack the other.

"What do you mean I have no idea? Of course I have the idea! You know you weren't the only one to lose someone that day, right?"

"I know. Believe me _I know._ But I don't think you know how deep down our relationship really went."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did Wally ever tell you about me and him?"

Artemis just stared at him, waiting for a further explanation.

"Listen, I'm not sure I should keep going then. I don't want you to think differently of Wally. He doesn't deserve it, and I want all your memories of him to be positive. Saying anything now would just ruin everything."

Artemis frowned. Her anger and confusion wasn't what either of them needed right now. She drew in a breath, calming her frustration. She was here to help, not start a war.

"You're in pain, everyone can see it. And if you won't talk to anyone I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me everything you're feeling right now. I want to understand why you think that Wally despised you so much or what happened with the two of you. My feelings come second, yours are first. Please open up to me."

"I just loved him so much," Dick hesitantly started. He brought his gaze away from Artemis, not knowing how to continue on. But as she sat there patiently waiting, he gathered his thoughts and continued.

"I was okay when Wally got back together with you, but now he's _dead_. I can't see his dumb smile or hear his obnoxious laugh… I'm just so stupidly in love with every part of him and now everything is _gone_."

The archer cocked a blonde eyebrow sky high, confused at his statement.

"Maybe it would be easier if I did explain to you everything that did happen."

* * *

So as we can see it's been awhile since I've written. I've started formulating this story though so I had to write some of it out. I've got plans and some motivation but neither the talent or time to write it right now. Given my past track records for writing / updating stories it's not a very good one, so plz be patient. Leave a review whether you like it, hate it, or just want to talk to me.


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